Cockblocked
by Heavenztrash
Summary: Jericho's tale of the insane broad who passed him up...for a ghoul Bad language, sexuality, ghoul love and all that.


So the kid traipsed into town, some bleeding heart, pablum puking little goody goody who gave Gob a bad case of the hots and gave me something new to think about pump and dumping.

No luck, the kid told me to piss off. Cry me a river. She left Megaton and I thought I'd have the last laugh imaging her getting reduced to roadkill after a few days on the Wastes, but then not a month later she slinked back into town sporting Raider armor, an air of badassness -and fuck me gently with a chainsaw if I couldn't of mistaken her for one of my old cronies if I didn't see Gob giving her the googly eyes and it clicked who she was. We ended up drinking and the kid is actually pretty savvy.  
Long story short, the kid proposes to hire me and I agreed. Gotta love the world we live in that can turn a pasty faced fucking virgin into a grease-covered, gun toting wastewhore. Gotta love the world we live in where a piece of work like me can find himself employment frolicking around the Wastes with a goddamn teenager, shooting to kill whatever jumps out and says "boo."  
She was smart to hire me because she was a terrible fucking shot, but she was good a wheeling and dealing and setting shit up so I took the shots and she kept the caps coming in so we could have a room at the end of the day where she could cry into her Nuka Cola about whatever vault kiddies cry about and I could get pissed, take a load off and fantasize about giving her the high hard one even though she told me to fuck off every time I offered to throw her a bit of dick. The dumb bitch.  
Aside from the kid being an uptight cunt who wouldn'tt give the man who watched her sorry ass even a measly handy, the kid wasdownright unpredictable. One minute she'd be slapping a slave collar on some poor asshole and the next she'd be trying to protect some idiots from supermutants for nothing.  
I've seen a lot of shit in my day but the kid made about as much sense as…well…the kid didn't make any sense at all.

Don't get it, don't care. I only wanted one thing from the kid when it came down to it and that's money. I may of wanted to bang the slut but I'm not gonna be a goddamn therapist to anyone no matter how fresh that shit is.  
Jericho looks out for Jericho and that's the end of it.  
No bitch is worth changing that.

Couple months later, we hit the "Underworld" and she decided she had a thing for the giant fucking freak that bounced 9th Circle. Did I say? Un-fucking-predictable.  
First, she ups all our…her caps on the thing's contract and next thing I know threes a crowd because the thing is now mooching all the kills and cock-blocking me.  
Yeah, that's right. I'm getting cock-blocked by a fucking zombie.  
Bitch took the cake for being the most confusing piece of gash I've ever fucking laid eyes on. And I've met a lot of messed up bitches, believe me you.  
I still wonder what the fuck was up with that. To this day.

The fucking zombie. One week on the Wastes, me, her and Frankenstein and she's looking at him the same way that Gob looks at her and it makes me sick. The way she batted her eyelashes at him and was all attentive to the thing if he got a fucking scratch, it was enough to make me want to puke.  
And that was only the beginning.

It started when we were turning in for the night in some abandoned crap shack and shit you not, I look over and she's on her knees in front of the thing, literally BEGGING him for some action.  
She's fumbling with his belt and he's just frowning at her and just embarrassed for both of them and I'm sitting there wondering what the FUCK. Bitch turns me down and then goes for a goddamn zombie?  
Could somebody please tell me what the hell that's about? I wasn't sure not sure whether to vomit or laugh my ass off I just drank and watched in amazement as the bitch begged the ghoul to fill her up and get this- he turned the slut down!

I've seen a lot of things in my time but fuck! Just fuck!

Two weeks later and she handed me my walking papers and I aint stupid, it was because three was a crowd. She told me to shove off because she wanted to be alone with Prince rotting.  
I told her where to cram it went back to Megaton and spank my ass and call me Debbie a few months later I was drinking at Moriarty's and guess who happened to show up?  
Frankenstein and the goddamn kid. And fuck me blue if that goddamn ghoul isn't slipping it to her because there's being a bodyguard and there's being a jealous fucking boyfriend and when I came over to tell her to sit and spin, that ghoul didn't have to speak when he told me to back off his fucktoy.

Fuck that shit! I'll stay right here and drink and nail Nova, all nice and safe and trouble and zombie fucking bodyguard free. This place aint as exciting as the Wastes, and I still don't know what the fuck is the kid's malfunction but that's the end of that and she can take a sweet suck on the sour end of my fuck stick for all I care. So that's it. I got cock blocked by a zombie and I ain't proud of it.  
Never thought I'd see the day that I'd get passed up for a ghoul but in this world I guess anything is possible. All I have to say is fuck her, fuck the ghoul and fuck you.  
I didn't think it was possible to be more sick of the world but here it is.  
And I'm done.


End file.
